i know that it happened a few days ago, but heath ledger's death didn't hit me properly until today. i cried, actually... still crying a bit now, though i never knew him... it's just.. what a loss. he was such a talent and was far too young to go. brad renfro, whom i met years ago, also passed away not long ago of a drug overdose. heath was 28, brad was 25. it's just not right.to the family and friends of both, my deepest sympathies are extended, though i'm sure you'll never see this... it just feels better to say it than not. pills, powders, needles, anti-depressants, drinks, they sneak up on you. even i, girl who falls asleep on half a glass of wine and won't even get near a cigarette, let alone anything worse, found myself taking tylenol PM to sleep when i was in europe last time. i was taking it every night to combat jet lag and had a full on anxiety attack because of it... it was like nothing i'd ever experienced before or since. i won't touch the stuff again. it's dangerous, it all is. i know some people are going to laugh at me for saying such a thing, but i don't really care. i'm upset. the world is moving so fast these days. life is bright and rich and exciting, but hard to keep up with sometimes. we've got blackberries, tv, video games, perez hilton, clubs, drugs, flashing lights, fast cars, drive through coffee houses... instant everything. it's good, it's great, wow, you don't have to wait for anything. amazing. however, it does make slowing down and breathing a bit tricky. everything is moving, stand still and you could miss out... the world is competitive, you've gotta stay on the ball, go go go, step aside to catch your breath and someone younger and faster will take your place. if you can't go fast enough on your own, take a pill, have some coffee, sample a bit of this and that. have a few drinks because you're worked up and need to relax. oh, now you can't sleep, so you take this one too... oh my GOD! STOP FOR A MINUTE! i'm making myself dizzy just thinking about it. it's enough to make you insane! call me granny, but man, i sure like a good old fashioned nap sometimes. i think i need one after this paragraph. the thing is, i worry about some of the stars and starlets in young hollywood. it is so easy to get caught up in a current that can lift you up to the sky or drown you at will. i have a small but wonderful group of friends that would drag me out of those waters and tell me off before my ankles were wet if i ever found myself wandering. i'm lucky. some people get tripped up trusting people that hurt them time and time again, and that can really mess with a person, especially when every painful or vulnerable moment is photographed, reported and made fun of. celebrities are human beings. other people forget that, and i think sometimes they forget it themselves. and then tragedies happen... it's maddening! i'm ashamed of the way people enjoy cutting other people down, truly ashamed. people have died, it's not just fun and games anymore. britney wrote a suicide note and people are still tearing into her. some jerk she went out with is trying to sell videos of her for an obscene amount of money. the poor girl is obviously having a hard time and no one is giving her a break! it makes me so mad. people can be so damn mean. it's like high school but worse, because we're all supposed to act like grown-ups and we don't.i want to help, but these people are not my friends, i don't know them, i can't call them up to ask them what the eff is going on and demand an ice cream and old movie marathon. it's not like i've got it all figured out anyway, i'm an absolute wreck sometimes, but i've got great people around me and a piano to bang on when i'm a mess. what to do, what to do? harrumph.i suppose i just want to say that life is precious. this thing isn't about stars or junkies, it's about a viewpoint, a trend that i see that is just absolutely devastating. our bodies are not invincible, though our spirits are. value yourself, take care of yourself. if you are feeling depressed, listen to music that makes you feel better, call a friend, go for a walk, watch your favorite movie, draw a picture of something stupid that makes you laugh. no matter how bad whatever it is you're going through is, it will always get better, it just might take a little time, patience and courage. you are not alone, even if you feel like you are. and someone be nice to britney spears. sorry for being depressing. here are some nice photos i took in germany to lighten the mood a bit. love and hope, alison
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppyy new year!!!!! (yes, it's january 2nd now, i'm behind the ball) i can't believe it's 2008. that sounds like the future! shouldn't we be driving around on hovercrafts and running around in little white suits like the people of the future in movies? well, i suppose we do have robotic dogs, automatic vacuum cleaners, electric cars and botox, so we're not too far off. i suppose december 31st was the night to be reflecting on 2007 and now i'm supposed to be looking ahead. however, i forgot to reflect on new year's, i was too busy cooking and dancing, so i think i'll reflect now and plan and hope in a few days... i'm in no rush! 2008 is going to be a year of peace, happiness and fun, that's all i need to know right now. since pictures are worth at least seven hundred and fifty six words, here is a mini visual memoir of the magical, wild and wondrous 2007:attempting to snowboard in park city, utah. day off at sundance. large bruises followed.en route to tempe, az to start the pete yorn tour.bunnies for yummies for birthdays (not my birthday.. very tasty, though)stephen and daxx, being cute at a tapingme, the same dayhaving lunch with melinda dahl, she took over the camera, i turned 5 and tipped overthe vanicornlondon, seen from the london eyelondon wonderland, seen from a party after a wonderful interpol showus 3, sideways, louisville, kentuckya very creepy but awesome hotel in northern californiawooooooooooo!!!!the view of the masonic auditorium, san fran, from our busoh, Canadia!the inimitable rufus wainwrightnew mexico, maybe? look at that sky!daxxin relaxin'on a walk, what a find!!! so pretty!this was a very bad idea!!! very bad!it's the year 2097!!! oh no, no, it's just toronto.getting ready to paint in new orleansme and the back of whoopi's headomaha is amazing!yay denver!wyomingvermontseattleberlin!germany is so romantic and gorgeousheeheeoui, oui, paris!!!!shooting the come on, come out videohappy d adam nee of the brilliant brother's nee, driving somewhere during the video shootbye bye, 2007!!!
hello my dear friends,the sky is bright blue and clear as a bell, it's cold but warm in the sun, and the mountains in the distance are either snowy or covered in powdered sugar. i'm quite hungry. take a nibble on a mountain? perhaps not the best idea. it is lovely to be home for a moment. i walk down to the little coffee shop down the street in the mornings and buy groceries to cook dinners and breakfasts with. i hung little twinkle lights around my bed and now the whole room looks decidedly festive. i believe in the power of twinkles for sure. the writing of the second album is going very well. it is lovely to be able to bang on a piano again. i effing love making music! yes, effing! i'd swear but that feels crass. i'll leave the cussing for the inevitable moment tomorrow where i bash into something with a knee or elbow. klutz. it's a funny time of year, this. jolly and festive and bright and sparkling, but kind of scary in a way... all the big shops are overwhelming, people jostling each other and grumbling in long lines, blaring signs and expensive toys... i don't know. sometimes i worry that christmas is changing into the "stuff season"... gift stuff, card stuff, stuffing ourselves, complaining about stuff, accumulating stuff... it's hard for me to buy gifts for people, i never want to purchase something just because i ought to... it feels better to mean it, doesn't it? to get something for someone because you feel like they might just treasure it... maybe it'll put a smile on their face when a blue moment takes hold somewhere down the line. i like seeing the marks of the hands that build things and like it even more when someone's made something themselves, even if it looks like a kindergartener's handiwork. oh, and it's awesome when you're buying something for someone and they call you and you're mean to them because you're tired from shopping for them... oh dear. i think perhaps it would be a good idea to embrace the whole holiday spirit and call up someone that you think of fondly and tell them so. me included... i am a little hermit lady, me, it would be good to step out of that momentarily... call, write an email, postcard, letter (oh, how nice is it to receive something other than bills and crapola in the post?!!?), etc. and say something like, "heavens! i've missed you! what has your life been like of late and will you ever forgive me for not being there every day to tell you how much better the world is for having you in it?"... things get so complicated and it is so easy to forget how nice it is to make someone's day brighter. isn't that what the holidays are supposed to be about?i'm going to try harder to be better, nicer, kinder, more aware, more sensitive. did you know that you all inspire me to be those things? you send me these amazing messages of hope, beauty and consolation and you remind me that good people are everywhere. even in the longest restroom line known to man at macy's. there are even good people there. too darn many of them. love and reindeer,ali
